Judgement Call

Ok, so I'm trying to get more into the swing of eating smaller meals more frequently during the day as part of my whole push here to lose the pounds. As much as I need to get more focused and disciplined on exercise -- it's my eating habits that are killing me at the end of the day.

Problem is, I'm still really frikking hungry at the end of the day.

Case in point -- Last night I was at Endo (which is once again trying the happy hour route) having a beer, and Security Guard Ralph (who's now a Bar Manager??) started doing something completely un-Endo

Putting small bowls of pretzels out on the bar.

Pretzels are fat-free, right? That means they're somewhat good (or at least not bad) for you in some sort of fuzzy math alternate universe way? Good -- because I went to TOWN on those mothers.

..Made him refill the bowl like 3 times.

10 oz. Espresso-Rubbed Char-Grilled Ribeye

Was soooooooooo good last night.

Probably a setback in the giant scheme of things -- but there was no way in hell I was gonna turn that baby down.

Early Returns

For a number of reasons (water weight, the clothes you're wearing, how old it is/how much it's used, whatever) scales aren't to be trusted -- but for posterity's sake, I felt I should mention that at the and of last week mine informed me that I was now clocking in ar 255.5 lbs.

Certainly not worthy of my own reality TV show, but hopefully signs that the changes I'm making as part of this new push/attempt to win the at-work challenge is off to a small but hopefully promising start.

..Onwards.

And It Begins

Had the weigh-in for the Fat-off today. I clocked in at 259, which was a pleasant surprise (I thought I was waaay past that), but it doesn't make the task at hand any easier.

Add to this a detail I wasn't clear on the first time -- which is that the winner of this whole thing will be the one who ends up with the highest percentage of weight lost in the next 30 days, not so much how many pounds each person loses.

The reason for this is that there are -- get this, two skinny guys involved. One dude weighs like 180 pounds and is in pretty good shape, and the other one is a total at-work gym rat. The percentage thing is in there to make it fair to them, but unless me and all the other fattys give up on this thing completely, I'm thinking there's no way these guys can compete.

Seriously, if I take my cell phone out of my pocket at the next weigh-in I figure I probably have those beanpoles beat. Kudos for the guy organizing the event for getting their money in the pot though..

Anyways, this is Day 1. Let's see how it goes.

Cash for Ass

Have you ever had one of those moments where you're glad to be thought of by someone, but you still kinda want to hit them?

A guy I worked with was asking about a project I was working on with him, and once we got all those questions answered he was like, "Hey, would you like to get in on this little bet me and some of the fellas have going?"

I shrugged and asked him what it was all about, and he said there were a bunch of dudes at the company who were doing a weight loss challenge -- Ante up $20 bucks, weigh in on a neutral site scale, and then at the end of the month whoever has lost the most takes all the money in the kitty.

Monster did something like this a while back (did we ever find out how you did with that?) so maybe he can offer some pointers, but for the time being -- perhaps the challenge of making some cabbage off the rest of these dudes can be just the type of motivation I need to get things rolling.

At the same time, I can't tell you just how nice a feeling it was to have someone come up to you and say,

"Hey, you're fat. Wanna play a game?"

Righty Right

New year and all that BS.

I want as few as 30 and as many as 60 pounds off in July.

Hex, all of your pitfalls are mine, too... and I could add some... but today's the first day and all of that.

I'll be checking back soon, you do the same, and we'll see what we see.

Save Some For the Sequel

The gym fell off. The after-drinking meals at 3am found their way back. All the bad habits. All the laziness. All the doing nothing to balance out the excess. I'm clocking in somewhere around 260 these days, which just really sucks. And so here we are again, thinking that yet another all-or-nothing push will serve as the ultimate solution.

But hey -- if I don't do this one every six months I'd probably be 15 times bigger than I'd ever want to be, so look at it like an oil change, rotating the tires, or some crap like that.

Here's how it works:
Six/Eight months of the year -- get fat.
Two/Three Months afterwards -- freak out and try to get thin.
..Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

If I sound cynical, it's because it's getting harder and harder to not know that my current poundage is my own fault. And it's equally hard not to worry that like 4 weeks down the line I'll probably chuck it all away again and bulk back up for no good reason.

Things I HAVE to find a way to stop:

• The one meal a day thing.
• The midnight snacking thing.
• The meal after night of drinking thing.
• The not working out thing.

Scroll the archives back a few months and you'll probably find some variation of the exact same rant from me a year ago -- which is something else I have to find a way to fix.

But hey -- back at it, right?

..Right.

Holiday Surprise

I lost ten pounds, I gained it back, I got back in the gym and hustled, then I basically missed about a week and a half where I ate a bunch of crap and dealt with a ton of stress. I knew I had to get back on the horse, but I was honestly dreading the weigh-in.

I stepped on the scale, waited for the needle to settle, and checked it out:

243

It's not really progress of any kind, because I should really be a lot farther along at this point. But I was honestly surprised at the number.

I've managed to somehow lose 7 pounds in the last two weeks.

Woot

Missed a week at the gym partially because I was sick as a dog early last week but also because of family obligations that couldn't be postponed (it happens). Got back in there this week - worked it hard, stepped on the scale expecting the worst -- Only to find that I've lost almost 10 pounds since my last weigh-in.

Go me.

Dust on the Treadmill

Much like many of my previous workout plans, I kinda got away from being a part of this blog more than I should have. At the same time, double posting seems kinda lame -- so here's the latest update, if you need it.

ps - Kudos to the Monster on the happy returns in his at-work challenge. Keep up the good work, bro!

When Trash Talk Is True

So I went for a refresher weigh-in for the work contest today (it should be noted that I started the contest at 295.5 lbs). On the way there, Ryan & I were saying that no matter what, we'd be talking trash when we got back to the office. "Let's make it feasible," I say, "to get in everybody's head. We'll say you lost twelve and I lost seven."

This was all well and good until the scale topped out for me at 287.5 lbs.

I lost eight.

Woot.

Putting the Money Where the Fat Is

So Monday morning I get an email at work - we're organizing an office Biggest Loser contest. The entry fee is fifty bones - six weeks, two weigh-ins. Simple, dirty, easy, expensive.

I'm in.

So far, so not so bad. Fitday is back on my side, we'll see how it goes.

In addition to wanting to win some caaaash, I want to be smaller. Faster. Stronger.

Still.

We'll see what there is to see, but at the beginning of June I should be several pounds lighter, several blog posts heavier, and maybe $400 or so richer.

The Fat Shirt

This morning on the way to work I stopped to get a cup of coffee, and as I was walking into the place I caught sight of myself in the storefront window.

Fat.

I wasn't really running late, but I was coming off a holiday weekend so when I got myself dressed this morning I just kinda threw something on. I suppose that's why I really didn't notice until I was miles away from home that I was wearing a fat shirt.

It's nothing special, sort of a faded orange long-sleeve number, something I hadn't worn in a while, but something that had always been comfortable to have on. It was on top of the clean laundry pile, and matched my jeans enough that it seemed like a good plan for the day.

But looking in the mirror reflection of the store mirror it definitley wasn't my best choice. Whether it was because the shirt had shrunk in the wash (possible) or because I had started to put some weight back on lately (more than probable) I didn't know -- what I did know was that the shirt hugged to close to my rather noticable gut curve. That the shirt seemed too snug on my body all the sudden.

It's strange how I didn't notice any of these things when I first put it on, but here it was - suddenly uncomfortable, suddenly not the right look at all.

I've been meaning to work out. Meaning to get back to training for the upcoming river run -- but other things have been getting in the way. My lazy is back in full effect, so to speak. I know about it -- I'm not happy with it, but I'm still in that "man, I should do something about this" phase of things where I'm laying on the couch lamenting about my weight gain while eating Doritos and watching ESPN.

Not good.

Of course, these are all issues to be worked on. My immediate problem was still staring me back in the face, rotund and disgusting in all it's corpulent glory.

I checked my watch.
Drove to Target,
and bought a new shirt.

Looks pretty good, too.

Morning Meat

So I read somewhere recently that protein early in the day can really help curb hunger as the day progresses. I'd been struggling with 10:00 munchies that generally led to a big, unhealthy lunch, so I gave it a go.

For the last several days I've tried an egg, some cheese, a bit of turkey sausage in the morning. It's a lot of calories first thing in the day, but I can make up for that by snacking light later, and it works. I'm seldom hungry until after noon now, especially if I remember to munch on some carrots or an apple or something around 10 or 10:30 (I know that you shouldn't eat unless you're hungry, but I'm trying to train myself into 6 or so SMALL meals instead of two big ones).

Now my big struggle is exercise. I don't feel like I have a lot of time to hang with the family and stuff as it is, so the exercise thing can become a sticking point... but I think I've finally got a handle on the eating... I just need to push more calories out now that I'm bringing fewer in.

The Bad Touch

About a week ago I bought a 12-speed bike at a pawn shop. With the river run coming back up I need to get back in shape, and I wanted to try a little cross-training this year to see if I could get some better results than I did with just jogging alone. Plus the last few times I went running my knees starting screaming in pain, so I wanted to try to build up my conditioning a little more before I start pounding the pavement again.

It's weird though -- Its literally been years since I've owned a bike. I had one in college for a while, but I leant it out to someone and well, long story short - it got stolen. Before that though, we're talking like 5th or 6th grade, back in the days when your bike was the only possible way to get around.

Anyways, the bike I found turned out to be a pretty nice one -- and after a trip to a local repair shop to get the brakes tuned up I took it out last night for a spin. 2 miles, nothing crazy -- but definitley enough to get the blood pumping. As expected, it was easier on my body than running - in fact once I cooled down I felt really charged, like I could have done a couple more miles easilly without causing myself too much harm.

The only bad thing about it was the seat. If I had ever wondered (and I really hadn't until about a mile or so into things) why cyclists have such tiny asses, I certainly know the truth now. Then again, I think I've finally found the perfect motivation to get in shape quick -- because when I got back home it felt like I'd been locked in a Turkish Prison for a couple of years.

Seriously, while I was riding last night it was like there was this voice in my head screaming "Whoa buddy, what did I ever do to you!?"

Pong!

Glad to see that Dan's progress is progressing. Mine has not gone well. (NOTE: The next small bit of whining will be followed by renewing of purpose, fear not.)

My left knee suffers from a heinous injury done to it while dancing to the classic Motown hit "My Girl" eleven summers ago. I twisted it right good going down the stairs about a week ago, and I've pretty much sucked up on the exercise since then. I wasn't doing GREAT before, but I was doing OKAY, and the last several days have felt pretty awful.

I do agree with Dan on the overeating = feeling like poop thing, which is a nice development. I still think of grabbing a snack when I'm bored, though... so I'm trying to take the kids outside or hop on the bike or something during those times.

So I don't know what my weight is, I haven't hopped on the scale in a while... but I'm back in the saddle this week. Megan is home and she and I are going to go at this thing together (which will be helpful), and though FitDay is a pain in the ass, it will help me to track myself and see how I'm doing.

So that's all the news that's fit to print... weigh-in on Friday after a week of renewed purpose to see where I'm at.

Two Two Nine

I checked the scale this morning and it looked back at me 229.

This is a pretty big deal. Normally my weight jumps around between 230 and 236. I guess the changes come from the way water weight fluctuates so much or from external factors, like if I’ve had a really big meal before I weighed myself, or even the clothes I’m wearing – but ever since I’ve had this scale and started weighing myself, the numbers have been the same.

My initial weight loss goal when I started this thing was go get myself down to 220 and then see what could be done from there. What I’ve learned in the past few months is that what I’m really aiming for is my scale to range between something like 215 – 225. Today when I got on there and looked down at the numbers, I felt like I was taking my first real step.

To be perfectly honest, the Fitday thing is a hassle. I barely know what I’m going to eat half the time, so it’s hard for me to track it without supreme effort. The real word for that is of course laziness, and I realize that having to track your food on Fitday is supposed to bludgeon you into the concept of "meal planning," but I’m a single income guy who doesn’t always have time to catch a regular lunch at his job -- so planning meals becomes it’s own kind of cruel joke.

Well, I was supposed to have a salad today,
but I never frikkin got around to it...

I'm still running on a regular basis and I’m trying not to pig out and eat everything I see whenever mealtime comes around, and I'm hoping if I keep it up the process will become easier and easier.

I will say this though – as the weight starts to drop off, I find that when I eat too much I start to feel like crap. It used to be the other way around – that the most nagging feeling I could possibly have during a given day was that sense that I was still a little hungry; which would normally lead to endless snacking efforts in search of that elusive perfect thing to kill the munchies.

It’s a slow road, but progress seems to be getting made.

How about you fellas?

A Term From My Youth

back·slide (bksld'):
intr.v. back·slid, back·slid·ing, back·slides
To revert to sin or wrongdoing, especially in religious practice.


When I was a young adult, I spent a great deal of time with my church youth group. It was, for a lot of us, our core social circle, ventured away from on fear of our immortal souls (or in pursuit of acceptance, popularity, and/or third base). We would participate in a lot of pre-arranged activities... beach trips, theme park visits, pool parties... the kind of thing secular people do, but we invited Jesus.

Anyway, one of the the tried-and-true outings was to the old "Natural Bridge", site of a (the) famous north Florida civil war battle, where they have a stable of horses available for riding.

I've been a big guy for a long time. Really, since I started high school, I've been kind of known as a big guy. I've been a few pounds overweight that whole time, but I think that when folks mentioned my size, they were talking about the total package as opposed to only my gut (I didn't think this at the time, but time heals all wounds and most self pre-occupations). The point is that when it was time to be assigned horses for our little trip across Panhandle wilderness, I always got the same steed.

A big, wanna-be draft horse named, aptly, Tiny. Tiny was huge, roughly the size of an SUV. Even with my above-average height and longer-than-normal legs, I had a hard time mounting this beast. She was, I came to realize, the only horse in the stable capable of hauling me around... and she was chronically bored.

Tiny trotted with the kind of lethargy you might expect from a person who shared her nickname. Twice, she actually FELL ASLEEP while we were walking a part of the trail.
THE HORSE I WAS ON FELL ASLEEP.

Needless to say, horseback-riding did not rank highly among my list of favorite youth-group activities, Jesus or no Jesus. Still, I had a kind of odd affection for Tiny. I happened across an employee of the stables years later, and we toasted the memory of Tiny, who was loved by all of the stable workers, I learned, and had been put out to pasture, with all the cruelty hidden behind the euphemism, on Christmas Day, 2003.

Somehow, I will draw together the metaphor of "getting back in the saddle" with the significance of the word "backsliding", and the fact that I used to ride a huge horse with my church youth group.

I'll get back to you when I figure out how... but for now... drinking water, eating bananas, turning things back in the direction they need to go.

Trying to keep my horse awake.

On My Planet

Yesterday I took my kid to a local waterslide park and spent literally HOURS chasing him around, riding down slides, bouncing around in a wave pool, and ingesting pool water. It was a total blast and as planned, the combination of sunshine, chlorine, overactivity, and hotdogs had my kid happily passed out like the drunkard in some early Irish novel in the car on the way home.

But the whole time we were there I kept thinking to myself -- why can't this be more beneficial? I mean sure, mathematically speaking I had to have burned off some decimal points worth of calories, but even I know that there's no way to argue that standing in line with throngs of summer camp kids waiting for my chance to slide my butt down modified PVC did me any sort of weight loss favors at all.

      ..and honestly, that sucks.

The workout regimen I keep up with at home leaves me feeling good when I'm done, but it makes me feel utterly FAT and OUT OF SHAPE while I'm doing it. It's a sensation reminiscent to the humility that highschool presidential fitness tests would always bring -- where not only were you always left hanging there trying to will a pull-up out of yourself so you could at least say you did ONE, but you had the added hell of knowing that eternal-crush object Cathy Mortensen was standing somewhere nearby witnessing this failure firsthand, eternally relegating you to backrub-only status.

I think that's part of why I always crash and burn on my exercise kicks. No matter how much I do these things to get myself in better shape, they always make me feel like shit about myself. Weekly regimens of crunches and curls might be doing me some sort of good in the long run, but each one I attempt still feels like a little part of me is dying.

I understand that getting in shape takes time and that the reward is worth the struggle, but really and honestly -- every time I go to work out there's a voice in my head that says:

      "oh man, are we really doing this again?"

Chemical Sponge

I don't know about the science behind this, but I've noticed that now that I'm eating few calories (read: less food), food & drink with "medicinal" qualities effect me more.

For example, I have become, though I doth protest, a two-cup-of-coffee guy. I used to have a steady flow of coffee into my craw all day, but now the caffeine hypes me up quick, and I have to lay off in order to be sure that I'm making sense to the people around me.

Megan drinks some Kava tea to help relax her and prepare her for sleep, and as I haven't been sleeping well, I tried some last night. I was out like an f'n light.

So I'm wondering, do mood-altering chemicals and herbs and what-not act more potently if there are fewer calories/less food in my gut to soak them up? Could it be that I'm actually just a little healthier, and therefore more sensitive to chemical alterations?

Kinda crazy, but kinda nifty. Any indicator that things are working as they should is good by me.