Even though I look like this:
I swear, when my mood is good and things are working for me, it's like I forget that I'm not the way I'd like to be. Like I'll catch myself in the mirror and wonder who that guy is.
But now I've had a doctor, an actual medical professional tell me that I have to lose 50 pounds or my risk for stroke and/or heart disease will triple.
It's a daunting number. It seems like an impossible task. It's a professional confirmation of the thing I'm sometimes able to forget or glaze over about myself.
I have no idea how I'm going to accomplish it.
I've been looking into detox diets. Cleanses. But right now with all that's going on I'm not so sure I trust myself when it comes to fasting. I doubt I could stick to it. And even if I did -- would I stick to a changed lifestyle? Am I not going to drink or eat emotionally?
Right now I'm angry. Alone. Unsure. I know there are things I need to do, but frankly right now I could give a fuck. I feel hideous, for more reasons than just bad habits or health concerns.