260

Aaand we're back.

Skipped the hypnotist, but downloaded a few apps for my phone to try to hit this from another angle. We'll see how counting calories and GPS tracking my jogs works this time around.

Because whatever I was doing last week clearly wasn't enough.

253

Walking the dog, eating more soup than anything else, a change in medication from the doc -- all seem to be doing more than I expected. We'll see if this holds up, I had wings and pizza while watching Sunday's games, and spent most of the day feeling blue for no good reason -- which usually sparks more eating and bad numbers, but it's still nice to see a little jump in the right direction.

ps - Heard the hypnotist ad again. Kinda considered it. smdh.

253

Weighed myself right after a long dog walk. Wonder if that had anything to do with this number.

258

Well, here's some progress..

The way I figure it, if I can keep this one pound a day rate going, I should hit my target weight in exactly 38 days.

Yeah, right.

In other wacky news I heard the hypnotist ad on the radio again -- and I have to admit I still can't shake the idea that if it were to somehow unbelievably work it would be the coolest thing ever.

259

Workouts haven't been terribly regular, but the diet is mostly changing. Careful control of portions and a dedicated effort to add bland-tasting ingredients to everything.

And as the number says, there's been an effect.

My blood pressure doesn't seem to be changing too much, but I'm so far convinced that will take a little more time to get on track.

I am proud of one thing though -- over the past few weeks I was hearing radio ads for a hypnotist who could radically help weight loss efforts. At first I was like "oh, this is bullshit." but then as the weeks went on and my frustration with all this was palpable -- the idea started to seem like it might be a lark, and if it worked and I lost some weight then it would be a bonus, right?

Next thing you know there was a few days where it seemed like an idea worth trying, then a short period where I was really looking forward to this as a solution to my problems, followed yesterday (thankfully) by a return to sanity where it again sounded like bullshit -- and now I'm sorta laughing at myself for even considering it.

I wish it would work. But thankfully I realize that there's just no way.

Which sorta sucks.

260

It's been forever since I've posted here -- mainly because it's been a while since I cared about losing weight enough to want to analyze my results (or lack thereof). Not that I was happy about the state my body was in, but that I was tired of the fight -- of the lack of progress, the work without results, the food I didn't like, and all the rest.

I still don't love working out all that much, and despite the fact that I made a killer salmon dinner for myself the other night -- the majority of the food I should be eating still isn't very appealing to me taste-wise, the simple fact is that a doctor looked me in the eye and said, "It's hypertension. Lose the weight and you'll be fine. Don't and you're headed down a much shorter road."

At the same time, I think once and for all I need to take control of a lot of things in my life that I've let sorta "go the way of the fates" for a long time. What I mean is, even though I've done diets and working out before, I always sort of knew it would be a struggle, that my body had reached a point where it wanted to be a certain way -- so if my efforts didn't pay off at least I tried, but I guess the fates wanted it this way.

Which is bullshit.

So I'm back at it. And I need the work. Back when I was fighting this every day -- the thought of 260 was horrifying. Now it's a nice surprise, since I'm down a few pounds from Friday.

But it's still not enough.

I want to lose like 30-40 pounds, which I've never been able to accomplish before.

I've been back in the gym the past two days, been walking the new puppy a few times a day, and am trying to watch the diet (*sigh*) ..again. I have a much more real motivation now, but it doesn't mean all this crap will actually start working now. It's just a matter of willpower, really. Of not hitting that wall and just shrugging my shoulders like some effort is better than nothing at all.

Honestly, I feel like my weight troubles are a big part so many of the things I have been in danger of losing lately. And that's not acceptable. Not at all. So this time I not only want it to work, but I need it to.

So lets do this.