260

It's been forever since I've posted here -- mainly because it's been a while since I cared about losing weight enough to want to analyze my results (or lack thereof). Not that I was happy about the state my body was in, but that I was tired of the fight -- of the lack of progress, the work without results, the food I didn't like, and all the rest.

I still don't love working out all that much, and despite the fact that I made a killer salmon dinner for myself the other night -- the majority of the food I should be eating still isn't very appealing to me taste-wise, the simple fact is that a doctor looked me in the eye and said, "It's hypertension. Lose the weight and you'll be fine. Don't and you're headed down a much shorter road."

At the same time, I think once and for all I need to take control of a lot of things in my life that I've let sorta "go the way of the fates" for a long time. What I mean is, even though I've done diets and working out before, I always sort of knew it would be a struggle, that my body had reached a point where it wanted to be a certain way -- so if my efforts didn't pay off at least I tried, but I guess the fates wanted it this way.

Which is bullshit.

So I'm back at it. And I need the work. Back when I was fighting this every day -- the thought of 260 was horrifying. Now it's a nice surprise, since I'm down a few pounds from Friday.

But it's still not enough.

I want to lose like 30-40 pounds, which I've never been able to accomplish before.

I've been back in the gym the past two days, been walking the new puppy a few times a day, and am trying to watch the diet (*sigh*) ..again. I have a much more real motivation now, but it doesn't mean all this crap will actually start working now. It's just a matter of willpower, really. Of not hitting that wall and just shrugging my shoulders like some effort is better than nothing at all.

Honestly, I feel like my weight troubles are a big part so many of the things I have been in danger of losing lately. And that's not acceptable. Not at all. So this time I not only want it to work, but I need it to.

So lets do this.