263

Haven't updated this blog in a while.
Haven't been going to the gym.
Haven't been working out at home.
Haven't been really eating right.

258

Back at it after a couple of days of lethargy/laziness. It's a problem that's seeped into everything -- blogging, going out, doing the dishes. I just lost the edge for a few days there.

Burned a new part of P90X to DVD and tried it -- arms and back. Still a lot of pull-ups involved, which I still don't have any way to do, but it was a different sort of workout. I need to get the hang of it, but I kinda like it.

One thing though -- Arm Circles.

Every P90X warm up has arm circles in them. 4 sets, 2 varieties -- and they burn. I don't know if they do any good for any muscle set whatsoever, but they burn, and it sucks. They're just arm circles, right?

It's part of the reason I stick with P90X, despite the fact that the trainer is annoyingly smug and the workouts are largely built on equipment I don't have. Because despite all that -- it's pretty straightforward work. I feel like it might take me 3 years of sticking to this workout to get anywhere, but I will say that every time I do an hour of it, I feel it.

I'll probably do the arms and back thing again tonight. We'll see.

259

Something I was worried about came true last night. Thus far on my latest new push I've been doing exercises based off a mixture of two things -- P90X's chest and back workout video, and the Turbulence Training guys YouTube Channel. It gets my heart pumping, it works me hard -- it's a good thing.

But knowing I had to keep shifting it, I decided to dig deeper into the well and vary my workout a bit, focus on a different muscle group. The majority of the stuff I've done so far is upper body, and I was worried I'd overdo it or forget the rest. Last week I did a bunch of lower body stuff in the gym. I was rusty at it, but made it through.

Last night I moved on to the next P90X thing, which was called Ab Ripper X. 15 minutes of crunches and related moves.

I could barely do any of it.

Crunches always suck, but what surprised me when I tried it was how much the moves hurt my lower back. I couldn't focus on the crunch because it hurt just to sit or lie in the correct position.

I haven't figured out why this is - or what's wrong with my back (it doesn't hurt at other times), but I had to shift focus and decided instead do do a bunch of the Turbulence Training full body exercises instead.

The book should arrive soon. We'll see if it helps.

259

P90X again -- did the full hour this time, only skipped a few of the things I don't have the equipment to do (no pull up bar). Also discovered a 10-minute workout from the Turbulence Training guy that I can probably do in the mornings if I can get out of bed early enough.

259

P90X again -- chest and back exercises. The workout is an hour. I managed about 35 minutes.

262

Worked out lower body last night. Full hour in the gym.

No change.

262

Two nights ago I really pushed it. An hour straight with weights, pushups, the whole nine. Last night I was exhausted, possibly from staying up late and basking in Obamamania. So I took the night off. Half the things I read say a day off is a good thing.

The first time in three months that I've topped 260 argues otherwise.

260

Not surprised by the lack of change, I normally don't weigh in twice a day. However, felt I should post anyways.

Bad news is that my Turbulence Training book hasn't come in the mail yet.

Good news is it didn't deter me from getting back on the horse. I wanted to keep an eye on the election coverage, so I stayed home instead of going to the gym -- deciding to see if I could chase the P90X guy around instead.

The workout is an hour. It's like 15 exercises cycled twice. In other words, you warm up, do 15, rest, and then you go back through the 15 again. A bunch of the exercises required a pull-up bar, which I don't have -- so I substituted squats and stuff for those. I kinda kept up with it, probably doing about 65-70% of the workout. It's hard to keep up with the guy, and like I've said before, P90X is really for people who are sort of in shape already, not people like me who are trying to get back in shape.

Still, I went for it.

I haven't worked out in a while, and certainly not with that sort of intensity. Everything seemed twice as hard and hurt twice as much, but I made it through an hour of lower rep, modified, and substituted exercise. My heart rate is high, and I'm sweating hard.

I'm back, bitches.

260

Back in the gym tonight. Will be spending time today putting together a much more organized and directed workout. Lets hope it goes better this time.

258

Over the weekend I :

• Didn't work out
• Ate a bunch of Halloween candy
• Ordered some really good pizza
• Researched some exercises that I could do (while eating said pizza)
• bought two of these:

I probably paid too much for them (some of the bigger name fitness companies sell products similar to this that cost $400, which is just insane), but I'm banking that "new toy" syndrome might actually work in my favor here. I've also been investigating something called Turbulence Training, which sounds a lot like P90X, which means it's most likely bunk -- but the websites show detailed descriptions of exercises I can do.

The thought is to build a workout that I can do whether I go to the gym or not. I'm not sure if it will work, but just because I skip doesn't mean I shouldn't do anything.

I do like the way the guy behind the Turbulence Training thing talks, but that only counts for so much -- because when you're fat and looking for a shortcut every skinny dude with biceps seems like an expert.

This guy's spin is that cardio doesn't help -- especially if it's extended time and steady pace. What he's pushing is interval training (varying speeds/intensities) mixed with weightlifting and of course -- a food plan that I'll glance at hopefully yet surely never follow.

Tonight is boyscouts with my son, which means I'll get home too late to go to the gym -- but I should be able to do at least some of the things I've researched out with these weights and some of the interval training stuff I've seen online.

Compared to the nothing I've been doing lately, I'm hoping it is slightly more effective.

259

I haven't been to the gym in a week. I've just been frustrated to the point where even when I've had time to go (which hasn't always been the case) I've just been kinda bitter enough to just stay home and surf cable.

I have to find a better way.

And lets not discount the approach of Halloween -- the holiday where for years now I've scoped out the candy my son gets from trick or treating that he doesn't like, I offer to "help him" by taking it away, and then I eat it like a POW encountering his first cheeseburger in 10 years.

There was a point about a week and a half ago where I thought I was getting somewhere. Then for some reason I took a half a step back to examine it, and I realized I was bullshitting myself.

And here's the kicker. The ONLY way I can think of to fix this is to get back in the gym and get back into the swing of doing the same things that have accomplished nothing for me so far.

My belly is disgusting. I can't believe I walk around with this thing.

258

BMI is a scam. A big, fat fucking lie that only serves to pat skinny people on the back. I did some calculations based off my whole re-focus thing and realized that there was essentially no way I'd ever reach the right side of that scale short of lopping off one of my legs or suddenly growing 8 feet taller.

I was thinking about writing about it on the other site, because the fallout from all this realization was that I sorta blew off the gym all weekend. It's like I was dating someone and seeing them almost every day, and then they did something to piss me off, so I basically avoided them all weekend even though I had plenty of opportunities to see them.

Tonight's boy scouts with my son, which means I probably won't get home until like 9 or so - which means I'll probably skip it tonight too (like I have the past couple of weeks).

The worst part of the whole thing was that in looking to chart my progress and be more regimented about my workouts and stuff, I came across some older spreadsheets that I had started in the past for the same reasons -- which means that a) I'm just going in the same circles I've been going around for a while and b) if these old spreadsheets are right, I'm like 20 pounds heavier than I was when I first started trying to lose this weight last year.

So yeah, I got pissed and blew it all off this weekend.

Refocusalypse Now - 258

Been thinking a lot about my lack of progress, and my rising urge to throw my hands up and just go back to doing nothing and hoping it works better than all this crap I'm doing right now.

Part of the issue I think is that even though I'm mentally comitted, I am kinda haphazard. I really don't know what I'm doing half the time. I watch other people, I read online, I try to put together a plan, but when I get in there it's all sort of which machine is free and which type of weightlifting I didn't do the day before.

Not sure that's helping me.

So I hunted down this page that will hopefully give me a better idea.

Also, I'm starting to find information online that says cardio isn't good for steadily raising your metabolism (which is what I really need to do), but then there are half a dozen other sources that say weightlifting isn't really all that great for weight loss.

The guys I know who are cut swear weightlifting is the only way.
The women I know who are skinny only seem to do cardio or pilates.

And somewhere in the middle is me, two months into this with really nothing to show for it physically or on the scale.

There's got to be a way to turn this around.

Oh and by the way -- the internet is no help at all. I just spent half an hour looking for something called a "Printable Blank Weight Lifting Chart," only to find videos of people using them, pages that said they had one but then only turn out to be search engines themselves listing links to other pages that say they have one that still don't.

However, I did find one.

I don't know if it will totally help, but as much as this blog has been in it's own small way a motivating factor for me not to quit, it's not been very helpful in showing me any progress.

Open that link, go to the file menu and click "Save As. The chart is very basic, but at least it's compartmentalized in a way that makes a little sense.

btw, one of the main things that spreadsheet uses as a metric is something called BMI (body mass index).

I also found a website that can calculate that for you.

I'm not sure all this will do any good either way, but at least it's something to work for.

Gym tonight. Will be charting progress. Wish me luck.

257

Went to the gym late. Had to essentially bully myself into going. Been really discouraged lately.

256

Time management sometimes becomes an issue, especially when your workout is set for such a specific block of time. While I've finally found an hour where I'm normally free to do this stuff, the margin for error is actually pretty slim -- as this weekend proved.

Between having my son and just planning more things than I could easily juggle, it's been almost 4 days without a workout. And it's not like those 4 days were taco bell or egg mcmuffin free, either.

Plus, I'm catching a cold -- which always hampers any sort of motivation.

I'm not giving up, but there's a lot of obstacles to manage right now, and it's frustrating.

258

Had a chance to talk to Ralph last night at the bar, who is in fantastic shape. We were talking about my gym troubles and he basically confirmed some of my fears when he said, "I don't want to be mean, but if you've been at it for a couple of months and nothing is happening then you're probably doing something wrong."

He's offered some specific help. I'm gonna try to take him up on it.

255

Hour in the gym, kinda pushed it tonight so I could get home for the debates and the PR finale. Still broke a sweat, still worked it.

..Still the same weight.

255

Mondays are just too busy to go to the gym, but I managed a few sets of situps while I was catching up on tivo stuff, so I guess it wasn't a total wash.

Hit the gym tonight. Hour in -- 25 cardio, 35 working the weights.

259

I've been doing more weightlifting than cardio lately. Not tons of it or psycho amounts of weight, but when I'm in there I'm lifting more than I'm running.

And now my weight seems to be going up -- I hit a 260 over the weekend.

Hoping I can get in the company gym today. My key card needs to clear first, and someone in IT has been dragging their feet.

255

Back in the gym tonight. Solid hour. Still need to do more, but at least I haven't quit.

Good to see the monster back. He can be my wingman anytime.

When the Superfriends is Just Batman

Hex - that scale moment sucks. More power, brother.

No fanfare, but I shouldn't have left you alone here at the Hall of Pudgy Justice. Back in action.

I think I'm heavier than I've ever been. Moving stress, job stress, you know the drill. Still, it's not cool.

So I'm ratcheting up the exercise and trying to curb the junk food.

Today's project - grabbing a scale for the house and chain for the heavy bag.

258

Whenever I go into the gym I'll usually take a second to jump on their scale, just to see if it's waay out of wack with the one I have at home. Normally they're pretty close but you never know.

But last night when I got there a guy was ahead of me. Shorter by a couple of inches, with a much bigger belly. I mean, his shirt was riding up and I could (unwillingly) see the bottom of his belly when he jumped on the scale.

I also got a peek at his weight while waiting my turn --

Guy is like 30 pounds lighter than I am.

Kinda soured my mood for the workout. I have a big gut. I can sorta dress in a way that makes me look broad-shouldered and thick, but I'm not sloppy fat (not yet, at least) like this dude was. And yet here he stood, wheezing like goddamn Jabba the Hutt -- but still coming in well under my target weight.

I still put in an hour, and I'm not giving up. But that wasn't a fun moment.

255

Did go to the gym last night and put in close to an hour -- but it was haphazard at best. I pretty much had to talk myself into going. It's been like that lately. Probably not a good thing.

256

Haven't been to the gym in a few days. The weekends when I have my son are easy excuses not to go, because I'm never sure what to do with him while I'm there.

Finally got back in there tonight, put in a decent hour -- but even so, I've got to say this:

I'm really discouraged with my lack of progress lately. I feel like I'm not really getting anywhere. I have good days here and there, but most of the time I still feel the same way I did when I wasn't working out. I sorta need something to happen.

I know it's on me, and my eating habits and inconsistencies when it comes to working out don't help -- but give me a little something here. Help me feel like somethings happening at all.

Because it doesn't feel that way. Not at all.

256

Been slacking off a little. Whenever it's my weekend to spend with my son it's hard to manage -- because it's hard to take him to the gym with me, and we're usually busy enough for me to blow off exercising in lieu of playing. I don't think it's the worst trade off in the world, but it sometimes bleeds into the Monday after I have him, and that's worrisome.

In other news, I was finally able to get clearance to join the company gym (which as a permanent employee I am allowed to use 24/7 for FREE). I was expecting it to be pretty small, but was pleasantly surprised to find a lot of weight training equipment inside. I'll probably start going there Monday, once my ID card finishes processing.

256

Last night was one of the first nights where I walked into the gym focused on what I was gonna do instead of thinking to myself "Cool, I actually made it."

255

One of the reasons I can't get to the gym until somewhere after 8pm is because my ex-wife works late, leaving me to pick the boy up after school. I love spending time with him, but the later and later she stretches the time between getting off work and showing up to get him -- the later I'm able to get off to the gym (which unfortunately also gives me more time to make some excuse to skip out on it altogether). Not that I'm saying the times I decide to skip are her fault -- but that the whole situation doesn't help.

Neither does announcing that she lost 10 pounds in the last month, which she seems to be doing a lot lately.

I've been keeping track of my weight with this blog for how long now?
And how much total progress have I made?

..Congrats, whatever.

That sucked.

253

Got to the gym late, but still managed to put in an hour. I missed a couple of days, so everything burned a little more than it might have otherwise, and I might have done myself some good there -- but I'm feeling really lonely tonight and can't shake the suspicion that your cell phone hates me; so I'm probably gonna hit the bar and drown my sorrows in something fattening.

254

Remember that 2 miles I said I ran? Well I finally had a chance to measure and it was actually more like 5.

253

Been really going at it lately. Two straight days in the gym, and then last night I decided to run/walk 2 miles. I can't say I really aced it, but I did finish the track. I'll probably do some lifting today too, try to keep up the string.

255

Family business and other things left me at home thinking it was getting too late to work out at all, when I just up and decided to stop whining and just GO. Ended up doing a full-on 45 minutes in the gym. It sounds sorta screwy, but with the things I've got going in my world a gym visit from 8pm to 9 might just be the perfect fit. Have to see how it works out from here.

PS - Happy birthday to me.

256

Yesterday I was at the store pricing pull-up bars that I might be able to install in one of my doorways (pull-ups are a big part of my new plan to work on my arms and back), and I was starting to like what I was seeing in terms of price -- but then on the back of the box of the one I was leaning towards I saw a little note that said

"Not recommended for persons weighing more than 255 pounds."

253

Last night I did a lot of planning to work out. Didn't actually work out at all, but I did a lot of the prep work. Transferred video files from my computer to DVD, started laying out times, trying to figure out what I might need to buy, (I need dumbbells at least), but by the time all that was done it was almost 9, and I hadn't eaten much of anything all day. So by the time I figured out dinner I'd pretty much talked myself out of doing anything.

Somehow all that thinking took 4 pounds off me. So, you know -- woot.

257

Didn't work out at all this weekend. Went swimming with my son, but nothing resembling exercise actually happened. I'm in this weird place where despite the fact that I'm pretty convinced that it's not gonna work for me, I am considering working at least part of P90X into my regimen (which I say like I have one, even though I clearly don't).

But there's a simple problem -- I can't really do a pull up. Well, I could probably do one, but that's about it. P90X is all about pull-ups and stuff, which means I'm gonna have trouble with it.

Lets not lie. I want results, but I don't want the process.

253

Yo-yo. Yo-yo. Yo-yo.

257

Was gonna work out last night, but just never got there.

254

Did an hour in the gym yesterday, but after writing this earlier in the day, it's not really surprising to me that it was a really half-assed, unmotivated session. Also started working on a plan to get back to eating breakfast every day, which I'd kinda gotten away from. My whole eating regimen has got to change. It's almost reflex for me to work through lunch, because I've done it for years. But skipping breakfast too left my body wanting to hold on to everything in my gut, not to mention the fact that by the time dinner rolled around I could eat a horse every night.

254

Hour in the gym yesterday. Also went swimming in the pool. Had a killer steak for dinner, which probably didn't help -- but it was really good, so whatevs.

258

Does it help if I say that I just finished eating breakfast?
No, I didn't think so.

253

Full hour in the gym yesterday. Also started looking at my eating habits during the day -- and didn't really like what I found. Need to start drinking more water.

253

Bad morning. This is the only blog I can update without totally unloading on people. Also, I'm still fat.

251

Another right out of the shower weigh-in (the scale is in the bathroom). Do my clothes really weight that much?

254

I'm weighing myself before the football starts, because there's a slight chance I might be eating some really crappy food in the next few hours.

255

This seems to be the number I always come back to.

252

I don't understand these big jumps day to day. I know water weight varies, but 6 pounds? Really?

258

Haven't been to the gym in a few days. Feel like I'm going the wrong way with this.

260

My scale. My enormous ass. Disappointing.

265

I was able to weigh myself today, but it wasn't my scale.

257

Even though I put in a solid hour at the gym yesterday, I followed it up by a full night at the bar pounding shots and drinking waaaay too many "San Diego Summer Sodas" -- which is Michelob Ultra and Red Bull topped off with a lime. Danced a fool, stumbled home, and slept hard. I plan on hitting the gym again later today, and maybe even catching a swim if the weather holds out.

254

Lazy Saturday, mostly just screwed around doing nothing. Planning on going to the gym later -- but thought I'd get this out of the way first.

256

The first chance I've had to weigh myself today comes after getting home from having dinner with my son and his grandfather at a local Italian place. I'm so full of pasta and bread I'm flat out shocked this number isn't a hundred times higher.

253

Well, that theory was short lived. Been hitting the bar (the drinking one, not any of the ones at the gym) the past few nights, which surely isn't helping my cause.

248

Weighed myself when I got out of the shower this morning. Either that half an hour on the treadmill yesterday was exactly what the doctor ordered, or I have really heavy shoes.

254

Finally found my way back in the gym (again). Didn't go nuts, but broke a good sweat.

Our Records Show That You Are Still A Fatass

So I got an odd phone call today from my gym this morning -- wondering where I'd been.

A little back story here: The place I work has a really nice employee gym that everyone here raves about. Unfortunately, I'm a contracted employee -- which means due to insurance concerns I am not allowed to use it. I was on one of my annual pity-party health kicks at the time, and got sorta pissed about it until a friend turned me on to a sweetheart deal that one of the local gyms was offering.

I checked it out, liked what I heard, signed up -- and went gung ho for a while.

But then it fell off. I started making excuses, and kinda fell off the wagon. I haven't been there in months. The sweetheart price I got is because I signed a longer term deal, so the money still goes out every month -- which sucks, but every month serves as a reminder that I really do need to get back in there.

At the same time I'm not the only one out there who's ever gotten snaked in by a gym contract well after the point where they gave up on trying to get back in shape. Usually you have to consider it just part of the risk when you sign one of those contracts.

But to have them actually call and say, "Hey, we're still taking your money, but we would love to actually have your lard butt back in here once in a while so we can actually help you out." was an unexpected, and to be honest -- really nice surprise.

I really should get back in there one of these days.

Judgement Call

Ok, so I'm trying to get more into the swing of eating smaller meals more frequently during the day as part of my whole push here to lose the pounds. As much as I need to get more focused and disciplined on exercise -- it's my eating habits that are killing me at the end of the day.

Problem is, I'm still really frikking hungry at the end of the day.

Case in point -- Last night I was at Endo (which is once again trying the happy hour route) having a beer, and Security Guard Ralph (who's now a Bar Manager??) started doing something completely un-Endo

Putting small bowls of pretzels out on the bar.

Pretzels are fat-free, right? That means they're somewhat good (or at least not bad) for you in some sort of fuzzy math alternate universe way? Good -- because I went to TOWN on those mothers.

..Made him refill the bowl like 3 times.

10 oz. Espresso-Rubbed Char-Grilled Ribeye

Was soooooooooo good last night.

Probably a setback in the giant scheme of things -- but there was no way in hell I was gonna turn that baby down.

Early Returns

For a number of reasons (water weight, the clothes you're wearing, how old it is/how much it's used, whatever) scales aren't to be trusted -- but for posterity's sake, I felt I should mention that at the and of last week mine informed me that I was now clocking in ar 255.5 lbs.

Certainly not worthy of my own reality TV show, but hopefully signs that the changes I'm making as part of this new push/attempt to win the at-work challenge is off to a small but hopefully promising start.

..Onwards.

And It Begins

Had the weigh-in for the Fat-off today. I clocked in at 259, which was a pleasant surprise (I thought I was waaay past that), but it doesn't make the task at hand any easier.

Add to this a detail I wasn't clear on the first time -- which is that the winner of this whole thing will be the one who ends up with the highest percentage of weight lost in the next 30 days, not so much how many pounds each person loses.

The reason for this is that there are -- get this, two skinny guys involved. One dude weighs like 180 pounds and is in pretty good shape, and the other one is a total at-work gym rat. The percentage thing is in there to make it fair to them, but unless me and all the other fattys give up on this thing completely, I'm thinking there's no way these guys can compete.

Seriously, if I take my cell phone out of my pocket at the next weigh-in I figure I probably have those beanpoles beat. Kudos for the guy organizing the event for getting their money in the pot though..

Anyways, this is Day 1. Let's see how it goes.

Cash for Ass

Have you ever had one of those moments where you're glad to be thought of by someone, but you still kinda want to hit them?

A guy I worked with was asking about a project I was working on with him, and once we got all those questions answered he was like, "Hey, would you like to get in on this little bet me and some of the fellas have going?"

I shrugged and asked him what it was all about, and he said there were a bunch of dudes at the company who were doing a weight loss challenge -- Ante up $20 bucks, weigh in on a neutral site scale, and then at the end of the month whoever has lost the most takes all the money in the kitty.

Monster did something like this a while back (did we ever find out how you did with that?) so maybe he can offer some pointers, but for the time being -- perhaps the challenge of making some cabbage off the rest of these dudes can be just the type of motivation I need to get things rolling.

At the same time, I can't tell you just how nice a feeling it was to have someone come up to you and say,

"Hey, you're fat. Wanna play a game?"

Righty Right

New year and all that BS.

I want as few as 30 and as many as 60 pounds off in July.

Hex, all of your pitfalls are mine, too... and I could add some... but today's the first day and all of that.

I'll be checking back soon, you do the same, and we'll see what we see.